Karma bait

16 Jan

The quote in my previous post and the explanation of it may have been a little bit extreme, but I am feeling angry at the moment due to issues at work, so I may be prone to, let’s say, more exhuberent ways of expressing myself at this time.  I’m sure I’ll calm down in a while, however long that may be.

I suppose starting this blog, in addition to my personal journal/diary (that you will not be able to read!) is an attempt to channel a little of this raw and directionless emotion into something a little more creative and possibly a little more useful to myself and possibly the outside world, whoever that may contain.

Maybe people who are also feeling anger or other feelings of general frustration at their current situation can seek some kind of solace in blogs like this which try to emphasise the fact that people in this situation are not on their own, although it may feel that way.

Oh God…I just thought… maybe am the one who is on his own, talking into the void without the possibility of anyone listening or existing to be able to comfort me.  That would be irritating, to say the least, but at least if there I receive no response at all, I can still believe that there are people like me who would be sitting reading this post without any intention of commenting or sharing their experience, even if they have been affected by what has been said.  You could say that this would be some sort of karmic justice, meeted out by the spiritual, quantum powers that control the universe and everything for not ever leaving any feedback about my Amazon purchases.  This obviously, would not be completely fair as sellers on Amazon at least receive the validation of the money received for their item; if i receive nothing, I have exactly that. *wipes solitary tear off cheek*

But why should I need something?!  Am I not writing this for myself?  The answer to this is ‘obviously not’, or else i wouldn’t be sending it out to a place where anyone in the world can read it, rather than keeping it in my aforementioned private journal, where i can talk about people and things specifically, and not be so circumspect about the content of what I am writing for fear of upsetting or offending anyone.

No, I suppose I’m writing this to give some sort of succour (still a funny word, even at 33 years of age) to other people in my situation; that is, men (or women) of an age where they feel they should have progressed further with their lives/careers but have reached a point where the only way of getting what they want from their lives is by changing it in quite a drastic way.  Possibly they believe, like me, that they have wasted some of the potential that they had earlier on in their lives by, for example, not listening at university (despite inexplicably still getting a 2:1), waiting too long for ‘things’ to ‘get better’ and procrastinating about doing the things that they want to do for fear of getting it wrong, whilst some people who have just done it seem to have remarkably little talent whilst still getting paid for it.  Maybe they feel that their current work environment is not allowing them to use the skills that they believe they have, but that the expectations that their family has of them, or the expectations that they perceive their family to have of them, means that taking a risk in their job would jeopardise any sort of standard of life that they have been able to accrue over the course of their ‘careers’ so far.

So as not to make last paragraph sound like a ‘my friend’ moment (eg. ‘my friend would like to know how to remove a bottle from his bottom, doctor…he doesn’t know how it got there’), I would like to confirm that, if there was any doubt, I was talking about me (but not with regards to the bottle).

Writing is quite a cathartic process at times such as these (again, I’m not talking about the bottle).  If anybody would like to comment, then that would definitely make me feel better, but also hopefully give the opportunity for someone else to relieve, to any degree, any anxieties they may have about their life/career/anything.  As soon as I figure out how to promote this blog, I hope some of you will.

Thanks and good luck.

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